Get a weekly digest of the weeks most important transcripts in your inbox. And now, by the power vested in me by the State of California and my friends at Shutterfly, I now pronounce you graduated. Fine dining. -Hows the dining? OK You know what words not in there? I think they have been. [crowd laughs] -Why? When when you have a house, and the bigger the house the more ladders. I say 10B, does a plane go back thatfar? It could be all because of her. I love that expression. These are good, I like these. I kinda had to tone it down a little bit, I had to dress differently. She started with an announcement to the four million viewers of The Ellen DeGeneres Show: "Goodbye to the resolution to read," she quipped, "and hello to the resolution to be on the front cover of O in '09!" Then the crusade intensified. So I started writing what it would belike to have a phone call with God to find out why fleas are here. -Well, that comeswith Parmesan cheese. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up Shes your friend, shes my friend. Ellen Degeneres: (04:51) I should leave him., I think were all looking for signs because were all looking for validation that were on the right path. Sit down and eat and pay and leave, right? What did we do before the ladder? Cause people do that to me. On the heels of her announcement that she would be ending her daytime talk show after almost 20 years, the longtime host bought back her Montecito, California . Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. According to The Washington Post, DeGeneres "got choked up" about her talk show ending, and despite how you might feel about the host, the moment was pretty heartbreaking.Given that the conclusion of her show marks such a huge shift in her life, it makes sense as to why DeGeneres has been spotted looking . They dont. They So, now everybodys pretty cool with thefact Im gay. Her parents divorced when she was 16 years old. Heathens. He was popular, too. If DeGeneres makes roughly $50 million per year for The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and we know each season has an average of 174 episodes, that means DeGeneres earns about $287,356 per episode. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now has been transferred to disc in the full-frame aspect ratio of 1.33:1, and the audio has been mastered in Dolby Digital Surround. [crowd claps] Yes, I turned 60 this year. What time of day is good for a lesbian? So [claps] Yeah, and then I get on the air in the first season. I just started eating a piece of fish once in a while and Ill eat eggs from chickens that I know. Jen Aniston has dry eye. [crowd laughs] How did you get in here, anyway?" Yeah . Back that ass up Thats Theres hair in it already and you just Now, its like, its grown. And, even though I knew that was gonna be difficult. Why? If you dont know, one had roast beef and the other had none. Thank you. I was hoping for more of a really. But it was really. Andy, do you want to add anything? I dont like to waste food. DeGeneres will send a producer or an audience member out into the . For DeGeneres, who built her career on playing versions of "Ellen," by appearing, as a . You might not but you might. And then at the end it says: Ask your doctor if Trulicity is right for you. Its like: I dont even know whats wrongwith them. The important thing is that youve studied incredibly hard to get to this day. Host Ellen DeGeneres continues to deliver uplifting, inspiring, and hilarious experiences to viewers. Like weall live behind big gold gates down along winding driveway and to a big round motor court with a fountain in the center shooting up in the air and double doorsleading to a two-story entrance andmatching curved staircases to the secondfloor and a chandeliermade of crystal and gold toilets, and What else do I have? Its your hand. [crowd laughs] [claps] I wrote that at 3 a.m. Its like, now, theres anything you couldpossibly want in the bathroom. Please, change. And the light doesnt change so theyjust creep up alongside of you. We know that now. Ellen Degeneres Commencement Speech Transcript 2020, Congressional Testimony & Hearing Transcripts. Maybe its time you try gay. I have a lot of ladders I have a six-foot, I have an eight-foot I have the extension, the 20-foot aluminum. Just draw the bath. So Im sitting in the tub and Im lookingout of the window at the rose garden and Tatiana was tending to the roses and I knocked. -Well, thats soaked in ham juice. I mean everybody warned me. Hum. We didnt have a six but we hada nine and a half. And [crowd laughs and claps] We try on everything that were gonnaput on our body except for socks, I realize. Extend your content reach and maximize your engagement rates. Do you have anything to say to the Did you graduate college? https://www.scripts.com/writer/ellen_degeneres/5244. Whenever we passsomeone going slow we have to see what they look like. Curl up and read a good book or you know, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. I know I am, but Im a human being and Ihave bad days and Im intraffic like you, I drive but I cant dothe things you do because Im the be-kindgirl. And for all of this years graduates, believe me, your best days are still ahead of you. And to the college grads out there, as I mentioned, I did not graduate from college, but I went for almost two weeks so I get it. I want to make you feel good for an hour, at least an hour really. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up The same people who lovedme, overnight, just hated me. Why do you care where I get my protein? Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up I dont know. [crowd laughs] [claps] Youll notice the difference in as littleas 48 hours. Side effects may include: Loss of family, loss of friends, unemployment., Yep, unemployment is a side effect. They insist on memorizing your order. Like Youre at the doctors office: Ellen, you seem pretty sick. No, I mean it, its good material. -Are you in any pain? He had a thing in his mouth that he played when he played guitar. High school graduation was my favorite graduation ceremony. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Is that okay? Because players are gonna to play, play, play, play, play. Ellen Degeneres: Here and Now features a concert which was captured live at the Beacon Theater in New York, and was originally broadcast on HBO. Ill wanna have a poncho on. Yeah, but I got one in the hand so -But theres two in the bush. We put someone in a box so, you know I think everyone thinksthat all celebrities live exactly the same. Im just going to shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it off. I got a TV from the gay lady. if you lookback at the first season. Maam. And anyway. Theres a womanwith a ferret theres a man with a mongoose, theres a lady with a donkey. For the shoes to see themselves, cause youcant. Thank you very much! She opens the show with an obligatory . You know what? Going out with a bang: 'Ellen DeGeneres Show' final guests include Michelle Obama. Put that in perspective. We have the song like: Oh my God, thats my song. And if were at a club and that song comes on you wanna dance but you will not dance until you hit the designated dance floor. Like he was probably at a party in the 20s. ELLEN DEGENERES: THE BEGINNING (2000) - Full Transcript January 10, 2018 talks about everything from the world of insects to mundane shampoo bottle directions to being caught by the highway patrol wearing nothing but a leather harness, captain's hat & paddle on the road. Read the transcript of "Ellen Degeneres: Relatable" (2018). Trulicity? My publicist,my agent, my manager anyone making moneyoff of me said: Dont do it. But, you know, my worst fears came true because you know, and thats why people stay closeted. Her stand-up career started in the early 1980s, and included a 1986 appearance on . Did someone have a bird in the hand and said: Theres two in the bush. The Ellen DeGeneres Show March 8, 2004 Ellen: Please give a warm welcome to Golden Globe and Emmy award winner Gillian Anderson! I roll it real tight. We all have our things that we do, that kind of doesnt make sense. In her first special since 2003, Ellen revisits her road to stardom and details the heartfelt -- and hilarious -- lessons she's learned along the way. I was raised in New Orleans and we Its a wonderful place to grow up and Iwas raised Christian Science. Shouldnt be a problem. Youll wear them until theres alittle tiny hole starting and youre like:Thats not that bad. Thats a simple little hole that you can just Your heel can be pokingthrough, its like a halter top foryour foot. But I think that one thing that we all do, that Ive noticed that is We all have our song, right. I That could be right for you. And now, I saw an advertisementfor a pill that stops headaches andmigraines before they start. Andy Lassner: (00:50) Ill tell you that. I didnt have waterproof clothes, I didnt have waterproof shoes I didnt have the right things. We dont try socks on because we trust Because the size is so Its likesize three through 11. [crowd claps] Unless youre lost in the woods and you see a path. Comedian and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres has been in the spotlight for decades. In Rwanda, so So we went to Rwanda for my birthday this summer to go see the mountain gorillas and see the the site where were building my campus, and it was unbelievable. Im not just a spokesperson, Im a gay. That is lovely energy. In 2008, she married her longtime girlfriend Portia de Rossi. I was so angry atfleas and I was like And I just thoughtthey must do something because I do trulybelieve that everything in nature works together. Not from graduation, it was something else. Yeah, we all have our little quirks. I have an issue with all the emotional support animals that people areflying with now. I did not. Its actually one of my first dance teachers and also the dance team coach. Some of these restaurants they have thewaiters that I get so much anxiety from the waiters that refuse to take yourorders and write it down. Literary Device Explanation of quote "I did everything from - I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I was a waitress, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners, I had no idea." This example of a literary device is an anaphora. Goodbye. [claps] So I had to go buy new shoes with hardersoles and when I was trying on shoes, I realized, when we try on shoes we do things were never gonna do in them. And I wantedto understand this. Ellen DeGeneres' Celebrity Supporters and Detractors Which appeared to be news to Ellen. Every time wed go get a dollars worth of gas so Im like: Just fill it up once, just And Ilook back now and Im like: Oh, we were poor. Thats why. I didnt know it was her cause she wasin a different car. 00:25. Democratic Senate candidate Beto O'Rourke dropped by The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Wednesday to discuss a number of topics, including a mini speech he gave about his feelings on NFL . I was healthier than Id ever been. But thedifference is, when you do somethingstupid youre just a person someone saw doing something stupid. [crowd laughs] Hm. And this side of the table? And I looked at the bird and I said: Dont leave, youre safe in here. And the bird looked at me and said: I dont belong in here. And flew out. I had fame, I had money, I had everything that I thought that was important. I dont know who started that. I got it right there, thank you. [message received noise] [crowd laughs] I send her this. I just think, it would help if more peoplecame out. I cant No. No, but Ive dined in other places before. [crowd laughs] How did you get in here, anyway? Yeah, I cant, When Im in traffic, heres the thing. So I try to keep everything and use everything except for when ketchup gets down to that part where it starts makingthat noise, Ill throw it out because theres no need in keeping it when itmakes that noise. Do you know what Im saying? We never bought anything. Required fields are marked *. That was a religion we were. Your email address will not be published. Girl, who is you playin wit? People who live in glass houses should never throw stones, but they should always wear pants. OK. And for me it was a dead battery, but, We all have people, that we know, that look into signs way too much.